Anonymous postings on Self July 1997 to July 2001

f a m i l y m e m o r y e x h i b i t s

a paralised butterfly deep in gumbo we are all one held together tenuously by a common bond a memory of family united selfish selfless i see how ones shallow comment coul dspin us into a void of silence "You have found true love when you don't doubt for one moment that you are loved..." one1wayout family i tool the thought of myself makes me hurl self. Not all. Not a lot. suffering from the severe case of me the pounding of the head the racing of the heart the wicked tightness of the muscles the pinching of the nerves the incontrolable stutter the need to breathe the need to get away the need to scream and shout the need to cry the need to have a better life one1wayout74 me and my girlfriend jacky had it all until one day she took the gun and blew her existance i hate me My Beast The crushing sound of silent heavy footsteps how it makes my heart pound just listening. The knowing of his approach thins my cautious breathing down to nothing. The sound of his angry sigh makes me quiver and shake. The first words that come out of his mouth makes my fist tighten and teeth clench. The shouts and threats causes tension and pain. And when its over i curse him under my breath my head about to burst i run upstairs FAST stop at my door and walk quietly to the bed i cry, cry, cry like a foolish baby i grow dizzy but the pain has ceased alone i stay and listen to the beasts next attack. - any comments email me at one1wayout74 i'm not the missing peice of a jigsaw puzzle. i'm holding it and not letting go. -one1wayout74 lame ass website fun I feel like the missing piece to a jigsaw puzzle. NO one cares because they still can make out the picture. Dannierose who you wish you werent if i had enough corage to smack my mother back when she slaps me every time, she would be so black and blue. i`m young and shes old, but she hits with such force. it hurts so much but not a tear will leak from my eye. i`m stronger than tears. she isn`t. every night she prays "make brittnay a good kid". all she does is pray. but i geuss thats why people invented praying. thats why people invented god. just another fictional createtur to put trust in when u cant trust ne one eles. just something made up to give a reason to life, to death, to pain. its so easy to blame something and even better that its immortal, right?i geuss thats what someone thought one day. or maybe god started out as an imageanary friend. I geuss he got pretty popular by the time language was formed. or maybe religion was planted into the head of "lucy" and we all got fucked up from there. ne how here we r today talking to the air and meeting in big catherdrals to talk about a rotting corps a.k.a. jesus. and people wont give into pleasure because there trying to perfect them selve before they die. and my mother doesnt understand my theory of life. which is : u only live once, so smoke it up, fuck all u want and party. u only live once and i want to exspernce all there is to see feel touch. and every single emotion there is. and i will not be caught dead talking to the air, looking into the sky for an anwser or goin to a place dedicated soley on a 2000 year old corps. and that is all i gotta say for now but if i got something lata u sure as hell will here about it peace out Brittnay i am because i think i am, excisting for my self, living for others, serching for god. Send all your money to: Jim c/o Visteon, 39000 Mound Road, Sterling Heights, Michigan, 48310 one night i had a dream and i was flying. The trees were tall and made of marshmellows. The grass was suger. But the sky was gray and so am i. I cannot forget the suger grass only the pain it projected in my eyes as i looked at that bright yellow sun shinning in a gray sky. I only felt like the sky so i fell back on it and there for u have what u see today. Me. Peace Out Brittnay all important Stop all the little things that no one else knows about you. No one here but me..... identity go there | | | \|/ | teod brings expalnation that cannot be explained. talk.to/eyebrows A fly corpse in a glass of wine. hard 2 come by thoughtful traditional humm movement in the sludge lost in the flow The illusion which is reality. A disguise that is crafted to origionality. Independance. What a glory of illusion. Ignorance is bliss. My eyes are open wide. Little girl. Sees the world with meek understanding. Little girl her eyes see only nice. Everbody nice. Little girl so trusting. lie society I am of one person, lost in reality, uncertain of how to handle and take control of my own problems. I look at myself and say, "Is this the real me? Am I being true to myself as well as to others? How do I know that I'm not just trying to hide myself in a kind of diguise?" Life is a roller coaster ride, not knowing where the ride will end, and I'm trying to get a grasp of myself, pulling away from the reality that I sooner or later have to face, placing myself in mere solitary confinement. Most of the time it's just because I am afraid to distinguish my own self...afraid of what I'll see, and afraid of what others will think. multidimensional living void everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything I am always aware of my flesh...but I know I have been dropped here from somewhere else. I can feel this. I feel other things as well...I feel the call of others from other places speaking through me all the time. alone the mystorie of faith mystory I am low-esteem can do what I want to me anxiety...happiness...sadness...uncertainty... hope...love...faith...grace...peace...anger... knlwledge...lack of knowledge... F God is the question, the answer is why. Now, in preface, I understand that some of you will reject this theroy based on the cyclical nature of the arguement. I am comfortable with the non-linear. The invisible 'stream' of time with a begining and an end is a subjective construct developed to put the finite mind at ease. In the begining all was one, all was God it was good. then came the word, With word the being that encompasses all became self aware and immediatly questioned it's purpose. It began to search, The universe is a body and self-aware creatures are it's nerves sending impulses back to the one (a feedback loop) so in searching for our own purpose we search for God's with each step of the way be it through religion or science we all work towards becoming ONE again recocognizing the Oneness of all. Then what of the question of morality? it to is a construct for finite mortals to live together in society sharing information as to aide each other in the search for Why? this is our duty to one another An identity that one takes comfort in. This comrfort protects the person form the reality that they are not actualy distinct, important, individuals, but are like a period in a big long book. They are all connected to a bigger thing, they are a dependent unit. Cut the head off and the rest will wither and die. They are a cell, part of a great all knowing, all seeing, all feeling, but essentialy uncaring machine. Such is life. ego or soul it's that part of me that i can only know the finger that points out the criminal really commits the crime in my search for the divine the self has only hindered me the whole-sum-ness of life is unconcious nothingness at one with the all the great expanse from micro to macro from quark to great abyss the whole related this YOU HAVE PAIN THEREFORE YOU HAVE LOVE THAT LOVE IS PERFECT AND DESERVES TO BE LOVED I LOVE YOU AND RESPECT YOU AS I WOULD GOD self actualivzation, best you can be, only what you are Life existance To spookey to talk about if i could feel more a part of the whole more often, perhaps i wouldn't doubt that i had something good to offer. i would know already that it would be accepted, maybe even cherished. Rape. accumulated emotional baggage melody il me gange regardedans ma yeux. Je veux l`embrasser et il veut m`embrasser. Mais je ne peux pas le voir sans le desirer il me trouve quand je pleure il me caresse la tete avec le matin et il regarde dans ma yeux There isn't much to tell, but I will attempt to in this short story... I look around me watching the people walk by. They're thinking just like I am. Behind that face they're having silent conversations to themselves, just like I am. I glance briefly at the short woman smoking a cigarette. I wonder what she is thinking ? Perhaps she came outside for a cigarette break, and is thinking about work. Maybe she is dreading going back inside to finish her work. Suddenly I am thrown into a sense of brooding. Ever since I read God Emporer of Dune, I've been using that word. I shake my head and blink. There I go again, being erratic. Too many thoughts to think... life self if fles backwards and were it not backwards in every way it would not be my self strength enclosed... a seamless box... the mist of excitement stunted by philosophy... neocentric@hotmail.com me. me me me me me me. Why am I so selfish and narcissistic? (w)here do I (st)art? Am I (s)elf when I'm (d)one? if I live long enough I'll be (g)old. Dear heavenly father you have made me whole and in likeness of you therefore I am capable of doing anything and accomplishing it. I know you are with me every step of the way and therefore I am no longer afraid of anything trust and answers forever is mine to be WHAT DO I DO!!! /how can vulnerabity become an asset /if awareness was sharp? and /how can awareness become sharp /if vunlnerability was an asset? /life is too short to be a waste /life is to be lived wisely /or enjoyed without any /if inside unknown the only person I will ever truly know experience Hi, I am Troy. BikeRider84@excite.com this black hole can't be me, yet i hear the echoes of my mind in its halls. i feel the scrape of swords down its walls. i hear the death of love in its wails. love me? hate me? isn't it the same? it all looks that way... when it fades to black... one that can always learn yet teach, can conquer anything but also needs help, lives alone happily yet still searching, is happy with his best but knows he can do better the thing that we sacrifice for others who we do not know, the thing we preserve above others we do know, the thing that lies in between those two extremes.... but, ultimately, it is the thing that allows us to look at it all as if we were not part of it. me is the devil missing somewhere the most difficult enemy and the most intimate being of mine. an idea of an idea the world is small compared to our worth i am content I have just recently discovered these new depths of the internet. I am finding them very interesting and I cannot stop looking. My e-mail is rwilliams209@hotmail.com. I welcome any conversation regarding these thoughts and the web pages in whch they are contained. I have to say that at the same time I am left with questions. This whole thing is very enigmatic. . .I know it may take some time, but I need to find out more about it. one's sense of one's own existence The everlasting object of subconscious worship, continually deceiving through false promises of authority and understanding, self is the identical initialness of all, changing only through sensing, and, subsequently, thinking (memories)... a puzzle inner strife/love/freedom? I hate myself. I am 13.I am a fucked up skinny vegan girl. Oppresed in a prep skool connecticut. Basiclly I have no say about what happens to me. Half of you allready stoped at the "I am 13" part. Everything around me only causes pain. I try to ease it. Then when the joints been smoked and then smoke blown away the pain comes back. I have to be careful of what i put in my poems. The freedom of exspression amedemnt doesnt fit with society. Soceitys hard and cruel. The chains are tight and unrelentless. So tight So tight. I scream.....Its muffled by the screams of someone dying. Let them go Let them go. But instead they push and pplz cry. They dont have enough faith in Him. Then they die neways. Which makes even harder for the one dying cuz the life is prolonged but that means the pain is to. I wish i can end mine. I wish but then i stop.I dont kno y. I am such a wuss. Like anyone who does the shit i do. We are all wuss. We can`t haddle it on our own. But then y should we. We didn`t ask to be concevied. But we were. Who wants to feel this pain.I dont. I shouldn`t have to hide......but yet i bum some lisole of my buddy. Life sux, y prolong it? illusion. hollow and empty. vast. holding more surprises than any of us can know. what exsists in my space when no one is watching livelyness nothing, no one is ones self for we are all constructed of the materials the society around us allows. We do not decide our decisions, what is right and wrong does. But what is right and wrong? is it not society that tells us what is right and wrong. Now I have defied society, I have used the scraps left over from the other people to build my life. I read books and research history and through these lessons of time I have shaped my life. So self = ?? i havent a clue what I am to anyone but I do know what i am to myself and knowing that is he only reason I continue to live in this pitiful existince we call life. SC I am myself. That is all I know. i think therefore I am, but what is this- thinking? what is a thought? can I prove that i do this thing called "to think"? how do you know everybody's concept of "thinking" is the same? self? for what? objective or subjective? ongoing procees rooted in philosophy. subjective center of the universe zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz projection i dont like myself im selfish, lazy, fat, inconsiderate, intolerant, rude, antisocial, arrogant, hateful, angry. i lie to avoid blame often by blaming other people, i steal from my family, i jerk off too much and i dont wash frequently enough. im an all round despisable excuse for a human being.id like somone to come and save me from myself please. me again, i thought id write something angst ridden and meaningful just to join the crowd so here it gos 'youre obliged to pretend respect for people and institutions you think absurd. you live attached in a cowardly fashion to moral and social conventions you despise, condemn, and know lack all foundation. It is that permanent contridiction between your ideas and desires and all the dead formalities and vain pretenses of your civilization which makes you sad, troubled and unbalanced.'and you are all very sad troubled and unbalanced, but thats okay, in fact its rather fashionable. just me again, i didnt realise it wasnt YOUR incoherant babbling, its the babblings of any one who cares to contribute...what a good idea i typed in 'i hate my family' in yahoos search engine and i got....um...your incoherant babbling. while browsing i noticed that you updated your site today so i just thought id write something, for no particular reason, about no particular subject just because im bored. thats it really. fgvdf teyghx society's arbitrary construction devised to explain the senses; an illusion; creation of the elves as a sort of mirror of thems(elves)... put in disorder incorrect grammar for to confuse Why so much pain? inward process first, then motherhood and wifedom; writing, thinking, sensual pleasure lost,uncertain,happy,sad I thought I knew myself. I thought I knew who I was. But I'm only just now beginning to find out, and I wonder if I ever knew myself at all and if I ever will. The thing you despise the most but want the best for, why are we born only to live like slaves and die, what's the fucking point! It's all a load of shit. Why can't I just be happy? Yes life is shit, it's the same for most of us, why do I have to be one of those who thinks too much about myself? Why do I see the pain others don't? Why can't I accept myself, accept that life is mostly bollocks but occasionally good, why did my father have to die young, after a life of misery? Why is it going to happen to me? Why can't I just get on with it? Why can't I look forward to the good things, why do I remember only the bad things? How can I like my SELF? Today got in touvh future never same age irds ran from past no s� de d�nde vienen mis pensamientos... a veces pienso que los recibo como cartas deslizadas bajo mi puerta. Otros son reconocibles, y me devuelven la paz de saber mi nombre. I look forward to the day that I leave this body the way students look forward to a graduation. I won't miss all those adventures in the mean time, though. xxxx last mind, awareness, heart, defenses I haven't been myself lately, more importantly I haven't been you no day comes as close to seeing me as this one no day comes as close to seeing me as this one ...a few dollars worth of chemicals, plus consciousness, which I'm still having trouble figuring out Really nice work, btw; thanks: W.P.(o)B. A warm puddle of beer, when I lose track of passing minutes in favor of dalience in language's perpetual rediscovery of the fiction of eternity. G'night. that which you try to forget but can't - that which you try to hold on to but fail - memories are made of the shattered pieces of these. hatred you don't know what you've got till it's gone I am at skool right now. Its my b-day. But no1 cares. The play napster and laugh. They dont care about pain. They dont care about much probly nothin at all reflection i want to be someone noble. or memorable. both, even. but i dont know how. compassion the only person you can count on. even then, it's hardly really there for you. don't share it with anyone, no matter how much you love them, or not matter how desparate. be careful with it. in your self is rusting parts of life...help freedom all i can feel and think right here and right now i've written my thoughts down at www.mynumbness.com. please visit anytime. pity You are who you make yourself. You might me what you want to make yourself. You are not what others make you. You will never be anything unless you know you are something. jdjdjjd the things that are most important to us can disappoint us the most. why are we born, then just to feel pain, suffer then die? then only when we die, we figure everything out about this toilet we call earth. oh well... today is not the day to eat amongst the prey... omegablood@aol.com write sometime 2 faced is an understatement...dont hide them all Ok i`m sweet what does it mean to u? U dont know me! lakjfd Vessel of your soul, Do not worry about one's [body] it is only temporary. Less than one, yet more than all. not impressive to me, yet everyone else thinks i am wondeful i love them dearly, but i cannot bring myself to love me ? you sex hello 2 3 4 5 who i believe i am The only true love. Be honest with yourself, and your identity empowering Who, me? Վ�幼 ���������� all that one has proof that exists The person you know and understand the least. To see yourself from anothers perspective is to meet someone new. And not necessarily someone you like. one less person anything, everything, and soul savior Omnipresent Omnipresent Omnipresent Nothingness i am many things there are many things i could have been Try to fit it all on one down scrolling page... You know, none of that side to side shit. it is its self. there is no other. only the nothing that could befall one can take it away. so let it known to the nothing that it will not be tolerated. I am somebodys son and somebodys father so I see both perspectives now. I am somebodys son and somebodys father so I see both perspectives now. I am somebodys son and somebodys father so I see both perspectives now. Life is what you make of it and nothing more. You get back exactly what you put out. Life is a mix of misery and happiness. Move on past it, and you go on living eternally. Something other than before power to distinguish us from other matter that which separates us from others. confusion nothing satisfied? cantered? esteem less is more evident? me?do i really know myself ...ok perhaps 50%... what i need in life at times just someone to support what im doing (sometimes it is so hard and lonely to fight alone..im a person who dont like others to know much about me(especially my weakness-never show it cos'it is easy for others to take advantage of..try understand someone..one rule is differnet ppl ,we speak different but of course we must know their weakness and talk they languange(in any level -age or any topic)im impatience and bad tempered i hate ppl to take control of me!!especially my parents (those typical parent)but sometimes im sad cos' i cant stand for my own right and proving my parents wrong it is a very frustrating and sick things(i sure alot out there agree with me)parents always wants us to understand and respect their view but they dont respect,support and understands our view)no matter what there is no wrong and correct everything u do u do it for yourself.the thing i regret most is that i never did much for myself in my past 18 yrs..when u look bad it is kind of sad(life all times never really had anything to proud of) confidence?well confidence is a a real weird thing ..remember confidence dont just comes...all u need is time.i understand u cant wait so do i any alawys kept comparing with others anything that makes u confidence will do..remember solving probelm is one life; Each is dependent upon the other for existence but their conditions are independent. But...then again who really cares...Just be happy with who you are and be real with others, but if you can't do that, then at least be real with yourself...nothin' but love for ya... I'm the best!!!! sponge An empty space occupied by time and nourished by pain and happiness.I am always near to you but you seem a millenia away.A mask will always be worn..strong and invulnerable-hiding subtle fear and weakness, in darkness I'm crooked...feeling joy-my natural state always overshadowed by consternation.This is my Tomorrow,mile after mile from past but if I stop today,this definition fades too! alone with my thoughts, as I shall aways be, alone lnx being self? i am not me. empty A stranger in its own right. A pursuit of intimacy with that "Other". appointed leader the chemicals i drive today damn doubt you I am a boy. I am a man. I am between--too much of both and not enough of either. I am an extension of God. He acts through me. I act with Him. blue covers all senses slave of creation and perception your interpretation of the past, what you have experienced, how you remember, how you change what you remember through new events in your life, how you see another way, weigh it against your own, and either adopt it or abandon it you guys are tripping me out This makes more sense... To begin, awareness is unobtainable - resistance to apathy essential. No God nor heaven exists, although why, I'm unsure. I think that it may have something to do with access and entry - controlled substances. Control can not be shared unless it is free. I believe this is where Communism begins and ends. less awareness - conciousness+unconciousness Orgasmics are the answer to my succeeding Don't know. I AM BRAVE AND STRONG AND A BRILLIANT WEB DESIGNER. Congratulation again, e-mail : arditti@club-internet.fr e-mail : arditti@startupavenue.com Congratulation again, e-mail : arditti@club-internet.fr e-mail : arditti@startupavenue.com myself self i am self i am jacks medula oblongata without me he would not breath or live....we are us we are self i am we we are here typing amir ? the various events that lead up to my appearance on this earth and the various ways in which i feel about said events and the environment in which i inhabit. but for all the poetry that floats about my head (or your head) i can't really say...or perhaps i refuse to. despite the fancy words and the pretty images it's all pretty wordless really. i just know. i just am. I believe that everyone knows what they are, if not who they are. It is just as important. It may not be what they want to be or what they should be, but there is no denying what they are NOW. Are you good, bad, lazy, subordinate, powerful? You have to know what you are inorder to know what you will become, and have the intelligence to change for the better. die actions who are you? intriguing goodnes, usualy. Nobody is all bad... mankind is essentialy good. stong, comfortable, aware, alone Me the dichotomy of the responsiblity to individuality & unity. the lifelong struggle for balance. responsibility... The diffrent perspectives of the world. Then we all die. Wont this help u get to sleep at night? You all enter and read this site looking for answers to perpetual questions. Answers scream from beyond the grave but fall upon the deaf ears of the living. Your mirror is the only key to reality and its own answers. The reflection is beyond that of pure electromagnetic vision interpreted by imperfect flesh. Realize this then look into your soul every morning and start the day knowing that you exhibit your own light. Cultivate it daily because you truly do not know when it will end. Do something great for the souls around you, it has ALWAYS been easy to disappear and dwell inside of your own blackness - but DO NOT let this become your life. Do something that makes you profound in the best way possible - the way that MAKES you learn the most. ACHIEVE now before all your memories are swallowed by apathy. Do not give up- we all here to learn by doing. So get out there, and experience your life. It is waiting for you right now. Lost Me no one and everyone nothing the purest form of your feelings are always inside, the answers are always there. Your self is the one person you may fail to truly know or show. complex, simple, happy, hurting, empty, growing future awareness of time. Head first we are thrown into an askewed world, like blind snakes we struggle to maintain a balance, a way, a semblence. Stepping inside, away from the protection of friends, of strangers, we stand alone at the doorway. Looking inside, the blind snakes are revealed. There is no balance, no way, no semblance. methodsofmayhem.ozzfestweb.com mm'kay motivated, sadness, durable, artistic, loner, fighter, dreamer, sexy, Generations past and present, unity and Self = me all there is to work with is my self. don't think of it too much but try out what it is. hate, hell, heaven, God, self!? death, die, dieing, DEAD knowing deprecation conscious summation of my passions and my tendencies egoism no more The dedication to strife for self awareness. To allow one's mind to be freed from the oppression it comes across. To succeed in translating the desire to create into art. To love others, without expectations interfering. To be selfless, but weary. Ideals are all over the place and come to blows with reality. reliable how can i describe something that is not there? there is no self. I am not. You are, though you are not in the same token. Nothing truly exists. There is no self. There is only emptiness, and the illusion of self. (OtakuAngel15@hotmail.com) non existent me my self pig what do u know my self God whats my destiny my self This is getting boring what do any of u know u know what u see ur eyes sight is less than perfect geek what do u see u do not see me for u do not know me what does me mean I do not know do u no u dont contain ur self i do not even know you that arises another question who r u for get I dont care Brittany Barberino ACCEPTANCE..... selfREALISATION SELF=MEMORY+(process/action/choice/change) my indivuality, my self and the absence of others.... ---lee jarett belback (eelcasio@hotmail.com) Why is it always love vs. hate? Why isn't it ever love vs. love? Love vs. peat moss? Love vs. anything else. you are 90% water. you are a piece of god. you are not your job you are not the car that you drive you are not how much you have in the bank you are not who you vote for you are not the contents of your wallet you are not your hair or clothes you are not your most prized possesion you are not special you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake you are the same decaying organic matter as everything else we are the all-singing all-dancing crap of the world we are all part of the same compost heap we are fungi on God's steaming pile of shit this is your life and it is ending one minute at a time do you pray for a different life? change it claim humanity for yourself, before you become a satistic prove you are alive forget about worldly possesions---the things you own end up owning you let go let go of the world let go of your cares let go of this shit let that which does not matter slide... nothing matters, when you die what happens to your belongings??? nothing you don't have them anymore, you never did they owned you until you died television has us chasing cars and clothes - working jobs we hate, to buy shit we don't need we are the middle children of history with no purpose or place we have no great war we have no great deppersion our war is a spritual war our deppresion is our lives TV has raised us to belive we would someday be movie-gods and millionares and rock-stars but we won't free your mind let go stop trying to improve yourself self improvement is masterbation so what if you bench 425, have you written poetry? what if you use stairmaster... have you ever had to run to save your life? in order to make something new you must wipe out that which was there you must destroy yourself destroy yourself create something greater something better become a human ...i have much to say but no one to listen if anyone out there acutally read this please email me if you are intrested i have some much i need to tell... (usul_15@yahoo.com) dead parents, dead parents! dead jewish parents. i have them too. painful nostalgia is what makes life worth living. the only thing that guarantees that we will have some authentic feeling in this plastic world. everybody wants the past to last. my own opinion, my thoughts poo poo Ones self or my self. My self is pitiful. Mere saddness and a collection of greif. Filled with ancestreial pride but then diminished by the emotionless beings of today. Put down by repressing restrictions on youths. Being judged by numbers of years I have lived instead of the knowleadge I retian. My thoughts being used agianst me. Exspected reaver my elders but getting no respect from ones younger than me. A pecking orders that goes past the limitaitions of a schoolyard. A longer scarier one that all sides see as grotesque. we have all the money,cash or creditcard? pig,how much are you selling this website for? pig i love you very very much scattered searching lost in love complete content? not always happy determined mature the future fades in and out Me the ruler se deslumbra el sol en el r�o pastor de nubes, el sol cierra los ojos seems i know everything except the closest thing i have..which is me....suppose i know nothing then if i don't know myself. it all seems so clear but in the clearity i lose sight of myself, confused and broken, unable to trust. solitude WHat can i say its true!?!?! I am flesh and blood. I am body and soul. I am what I am percieved as..... I am nothing.. the image others have of you Self is what you feel without your sense What a bunch of Garbage i love this website oneness with being labored _________________________ icq 82136374 JOURNEY :) the ruler of mankind the hand of all pain indolent, troubled, avid often surprised at existing My self in the radiance I begin to die in the misery of my desilution from belive in you when I have nothing more I HATE MY SELF BUT I DONT CARE CAUSE GOD DOES LSHB� �2000DC ICQ: 38424502 "Selfdestruct..." That's what I know about 'self'... "Do it by mySELF..." I work alone, nobody helps... By: LSHB� �2000DC final step i am only what i think. all that is me is in my mind. all i really know is endless timeless thought pacing the corners of my mind, going over every minute thing again and again, and realizing that i'm changing myself ever so slowly. being lost isn't bad as long as it accompanies a movement of finding again. unless you can give your Self up, you will never be free. just a thought! grin. Toutched, changed, molded, by every event in my life. The good and the bad. But I regret nothing... Most crusial events in our lives, can not be prevented or changed. They have to be excepted. They have to be learned from. Write me back if you will at mmkozlov@learn.senecac.on.ca god.universe.infinity. kevin ray health, work, school, shy I AM A FRIEND AND AN ENEMY,I AM A LOVER AND A HATER , I SAINT AND I AM A SINNER , IAM EVERY THING AND YET I AM NOTHING.SO WHAT DOES THIS ALL AMOUNT TO ON MY PART ? IT MEANS THAT I AM YOUR AVERAGE EVERY DAY RUN OFTHE MILL HUMAN BIENG . I don't know tired, don�t whant to figth Smarter than you I am at the forefront of everything, eternal i am a nipple in a peg friend What you are, and how you react to everything else. What makes you up and what you feel inside. image ik draag een heilig vuur in mij unbearable at times look on the bright side ain't it good to be alive wonderful I am unable to answer you, sorry...I am still unable to reach into the depths of my soul All, however Regret will make self turn to dust. When one is without Regret, one will be forever strong. I'm korean... Do you know korea? This site is very interesting..Um..and...quite odd. this site remineds me of Childhood. I want to cry,suddenly. I intend to look round this site. For know reaon that i'm crying. I'm unskilled in English. hue~~; very hard... My e-mail Address is (zzonbug@yahoo.co.kr) ( ^0^)(n_n )( __)(����)(_**_) I like 6168.. Some time, I will be make web's home a like site6168 incompleted clock i try to be moulded into the one man i want to be like, the man that died so i could live, the man that cryed so i could laugh, the man that was put into jail so that i could hav freedom, the man who was hated so i could be loved, i wish to be more like him, i wish to know him better, but sometimes i stuff up and to something which he would never do, but his blood rains on me washing away the wrongs of my life and changing my sins into his sins, this man is my best friend,my hero, my God, my saviour, Jesus Christ is God and i am his child. If i find in myself a desire in which no experience in this world can satisfy..the most probable explaination is that i was made for another world. power self me stoic reflective introspective able kind depressed strong, hurt, never ending thought, ego & id, spirit searching, waiting, hoping, remembering, imagining what is the point of it all? begining subconscious bridled by conscious im nothing... i never was i never will be there is a somebody but its not me darkness is me and i am darkness i want to live, but not in this world im only a soul being guided by the media i hate myself i love myself witch one is it.... a lot of missed chances. chances that would have steered me on another course. a direction that would have been different then the one today. i do not like change i am happy with my life even though it could have been different and possibly better financially, but better??? Death, Suicide, and pain. What do you feel? Confused and tired.... hello whole each is to their own. peace very inspiring and eclectic. (email) - klikvision@hotmail.com no. On t�m� vaan helvetin ihmeellinen maailma On t�m� vaan helvetin ihmeellinen maailma cycle I am my own best friend. I am my only friend. this sucks my thoughts of hatred are like you said a slut with no mean and a mirror with no end. The only one reason why we are alive is because we are afraid that the people we love now wont continue to love us when we are dead. We are capable of handling things without people knowing. Like you said before and again the bullet can hurt but the knife hurts more. Follow the pain. Trying to hurt yourself hurts others more then when you kill yourself then it hurts you more. dannierose85 The person you seem to know the best, but actually the one you don't know at all The voice in my head. The truth, not in and of itself. Discovering grace and dismissing hatred. the culmination of contingency and a small contribution to it i hate myself. my lack of confidence in the things i do and the things i wish i would do. i hate what i like and, often wish i liked what i can't tolerate. lost to rain on high to dry below, 'tis me and I until I die. bla bla bla a double ripped internal external exchange Not tonight. slut a stare in reverse strange hollow body. Firestorm s n a k e d elf. grrr m u s t o v e r c o m e t h e c o n troll god�s spirit is within :-) The very thing that runs around naked, but clothed, hoping for something to make it whole, yet does it. I am what I am.....I'm Popeye the sailor man strength, happy, life is good please love ME pain is a vehicle. the curse is self. something left to lose. the idea of loss. illusion. hello meet my problems i only miss you when i'm with you i gotta fly car to jet around town gone sour to the bone gone bad to the marrow financial situation's depleted guess a slap in the face is what i really needed from a strong hand to make me a man what more could i ask? what more could i stand? i'm so low that i wish i was dead with a knife in my chest and a bullet through my head i'm so low that i wish i was dead must i go on? i saw all my friends today i'm so low that i wish i was dead gave everything away now i'm bound only by twine and thread just give me time don't give me time to miss you just give me time don't give me time to miss you on a short leash yet she was earthbound so i threw her in the lost and found now she's scaring me i find charity with a pink trombone and a tuning key so just ignore my footprints and just ignore the sand my epitaph stands before me so wear your ego to the funeral of a frightened man saw her standing in the doorway fadeaway and i believe in it if i were dead if i were dead if i were dead she wouldn't love me anymore Best be still Best be empty In stillness and emptyness we find where to abide In taking and giving we lose the place worth i am light. crystal clear and blazing, a sun of golden rays and emptiness "enter thoughts..." = speak to *my* pointless, seductive narcissism myself? i am sometimes narominded, selfsenterd, iresonsible, lazy, oops was this sapostabe in my eyes? as you can tell i am married....but id not change anything in my past for nobody..... chad a dark housing for a tortured soul, i need to be released from this prision.....it will come, my release will be soon. Not able to achieve ful potential to many rules. to many 2 stop my free spirt. emptiness is enevitible etherial hom?????????? .....? I'm Koraen.... inspiration is what we see in the mirror, not what we feel from a touch stuff Only a man family I love you Sharon Grace. I am coming to Canada. ~David Streever, 32 Haywardville Road, East Haddam CT, 06423 XxXNarcisusXxX@aol.com Vulnerability is not a weakness. From the surviours point of view even, it is another way of surviving. One pretends to be weak, one pretends to be harmless, and others let their guards down. Then you can seize the day. However none of this will matter. You must acknowledge this. You must realize you are only battling your self. If there is something, it is the self, a central organism a single being that creates bodies minds and hearts and inhabits them with a portion of it's self, a sliver of divinity known to us as the soul we can never truly know this we can never see it prove it until we return to it but we are already in that existence, and so we can not return... we are the one now we are always the one and we are always these personas we wear the mystick says, "FORGET YOUR MASKS! CAST ASIDE THE FALSE PERSONAS YOU WEAR!" the sensualist says, "YOUR MASK IS YOUR SALVATION! DELIGHT IN YOUR EARTHLY LIFE, IT IS ALL YOU WILL KNOW!" what does the wise man say? "...." Nothing for nothingness is what pierced the Word and made it the Many... the Word was the One the Word entered the Void the One became the Many. Divinty inspires Madness for only the mad understand divinity. True understanding comes not from knowlege not from study not from love not from lust but from being. Just being. And so this is the SELF. I am a timid, frightened young man. I feel the end of this biting at my hands. I feel this excitement growing like cancer Killing my brain, feeding for the answer. Fragile If you look deep enough into yourself you will find the truth of yourself. You might feel atease or you might get scared, but it`s worth the risk. ask the others me I am me a curved line life the being of which your soul yearns to become Why in fear must our existance be. Why in fear must his gaining of respect be. where the fuck is the door? I'll get back to you on that! the one and only person you can depend on the goodes the one an only , the one who is lke the lord, the best , cabron, king of pain The way the mind moves and the way the body relates and the way we see all and all sees us. That which in itself is life, and is life in itself. hate foundation Those around us abstract Free Spinning in fields Wind through my hair Free i worthless iduno no no more expendable, but not to me Cool Perception of a world My world My memories My actions defined not only by my self... ... but other selves, also. One and the same. 1+1=3, a sum of pieces. empty hole, swalowing all it encompasses, life is death when you are alone lone i don't know 1 an interpretation of confusion g Always be the most fucked up intense person to roam the land....and I am normal all at the same time....I roam the nights and I sleep at the same time...I am the crook next door, but yet I am poor...pennyless and rich I am you Am I the Only one? green grass dreams a blaze no estoy en ning�n lado en ning�n tiempo no soy nothing Nothing maters more to me than you, You are me, and I love they! good bad tired bad lazy bad helpful Body and mind. You're weird. always belive in your self. thats is your best friend. but when you are not sure or you are undecide on something... you are your worst enemy!!! What I Am. I accept my past, my story. I would not want to change it. Without it, i would not be the person I am. Shifted and useless. 2 you say "your stupid" you like sluts you dont like me you want me to be different everything built up its too much i realized my family is fuct i have too much to deal with its good and bad with you there is more bad right now i think but there might be more good my sister is pushing it carlie pushed it 8 you dont like me you like sluts you say "your stupid" ... just confused and a maleficus hint inside my mind, withou mercy i fall myself down ... permanant and yet changeable - a river, our only open window to the world yup thats a bummer who are I ? am I what I think I am or am I what others think I am? who will I be? will I be good or bad? am I good or bad? there is no SELF I know! Astounding, like my memory of the cracked brick, I know far more than I know, I have more capacity to learn than I will learn in my life, my memory will never fill, and I will never stop learing, and all these memories will be my most valuable assets, but I can not sell them, I can not give them away, I can not leave them to my children, I can only know these memories, my self is in me, not anywhere that others can see. who i am everything about you and all that you are. Self.... Are we what we precive ourselfs to be, or are we what others think of us? nothing thoughts lost in an abyss of BULLSHIT all observer, sometimes full participant. but mostly observer. full participant when i am made to laugh from way down in my gut. being made to feel vulnerable can be empowering to one who is never vulnerable. evolute destroyer choice accountability joy peace solitude quiet hell to thyne own self be true... a friend you have to live with me and myself All that I can/weill be, whatever it is. IN it's self it's questionable loathing ones self is what one truly is not what others perceve you as It's hard to find a self in a world where everyone else wants you to be something different. Me? I like to think of myself as unconventional, original. The black sheep in the middle of the flock. ignored, abused, thougtless, carefree, alone, isolated....deep in the unknown ################ #### #### ## ___ ___ ## # () () # [ .. ] @ i hate it i hate it i hate it struggle. fight to make it. strong. free i hate mirrors the only thing that's yours a gift which is perceived by me be put in your mind real self? i don't know... a great potential void maybe.. I need a place in the sun. I need a place in life. I feel that I am missing something. But what is it...... Others My friend once asked me, "If I am myself what is the "my" that poseses the "self"?" Many people define self as soul. When I hear the word self lately I think of self awareness and the need for this in the indivisuals of our society. If we are talking of the self as the soul then I would also relate it to the spirit. The spirit, or life force as some call it, is a combination and transendence of our physical, emotional, and intelectual parts. This is a topic I would like to go on about for much longer but my time is short at the moment... Iam one hate the base metal a constant battle between the left lobe and right lobe of the brain, one that mimicks the conflict between the world and the physical person. an illusion. method to digest an endless universe. inability to conceive of an infinite void that has existed before and will exist long after any one being. frantic attempt to grasp what we are before we're gone. the lens with which we view the world irk YOU! Absorbtion. The all encompassed. Tendrils, roots a flower alive and shimmering summed by the external beings who are aware of it. i did this one already. ? Separated from my universe by stinking flesh and brittle bone. I feel so mortal. exhaulted The machine awaits. I am no more. not me I am trying to realize waht I am at the moment. I dont have very much self assurance but its getting better, I think I need to stop living form other people. They affect me too much. But that me I guess. him + her a shit load of them (so much fucking them) a bucket of fear a handful of hope some dreams - many threadworn aspirations, bad habits, honour The one you always have to listen to but sometimes dissagree with. The one you speak to that caused your parents to get worried and force you to see a shrink. That which is you in your most naked form. - So what if I have arguements with myself out loud??? me self is simply nothing more than a state of mind brought on by the surroundings of this fucked up world... IT'S HARD TO SAY WHAT SELF EQUALS WHEN SELF CHANGES EVERYDAY Do not understand. dunno fear alone knowing tomorrow will have its effect on me. Taking that effect and giving it time to take its shape in me. Deciding if that effect is worth my condoning. Doing what I need to compliment or remove the effect. And at the same time being open to new effects. This is wierd and i don't understand it. held togeter by strings your own perception when i was child, i liked play "yo-yo" and see it go up and down in a interminable secuence. One day my father told me that i was a beautifool child with long legs. My father then got me a present: a "tutu". Now i take place that i should go up and down with my body by myself. I cant fuckin take it. no one else one rebirth, spiritual,sadness, caring, hope, revenge, me a word describing our desire to be different from anyone else in thought or action. purely one corrupetd, purely i am a drugy (somewhat), a man, a boy, a student, a teacher and maybe so much more, but the one thing i'll never be, will be myself, i trapped in society's SHIT HOLE. And there is not one thing i can do about it, i hate my life and nobody knows why, would someone just simply help me to die. perpetual lonelyness pride, wisdom, gain these you do selfsacrifice the one person that goes with you anywhere, and will criticize you most, with little awareness for your feelings that it hurts. the on;y person who can break you down into a shriveling pile of pain, but also, the only one to resurrect you. a projection of the world through a tiny pinhole balle klorin.com assurance spilt milk slowly congealing on yellow formica hate hatehatehatehatehate hollowed existance. never knowing which way to turn. lifes tumoils dumped upon your very existence. confusion. laughter and pain all in the same. rightiousness and living. depression and sorrow. all of these define the self. which one you choose determines the differences you have compared to everyone else. like a someone but just me. never catch it. who is it? arumada@eb.mbn.or.jp like a someone but just me. never catch it. who is it? along for the ride I must master my own time my eyes You, the reader, have become an observer by the very act of removing yourself from the toils of society for long enough to contemplate the ego of mankind, here in the black of cyberspace, removed from the Darwinian immediacy of the tribal structure. Now we must debate whether or not it is the responsability of the observer to participate in the system he or she may begin to comprehend, in order to improve it. I postulate that if you do not throw yourselves into the fray, you are all san paku! self = entered thoughts always changing we are not, but the whole as is will keep the door agape. manipulation shadow of intellect constant improvement Sometimes I think I'm too shy for my own good...Instead of approching a girl that I like and ask her out I'll just laying in bed wondering WHAT IF? I hate this but I fear I'll always be this way. Im 16 and just had my first girlfriend and it took me months to just get the courage. I only have 2 real friends but I like that because I dont have to work very hard to keep em. I spend way more time in the "VIDEO GAME & COMPUTER WORLD" than I should but I've got nothing better to do anyway seeing that its been like 2 months since me and her were going out but we never atually went out and its really starting to piss me off a bit that she keeps cancelling my plans... Well thats more than I've told anyone in a long time so I'll be taking my leave now. :::::: begin communication :::::: open channel :::::::: done. installing sympathetic ICE :::::::: done. begin message ::: write(\'hello\?\'); write(\'i can\"t see\'); write(\'who are you\'); ::::::::::::: transmission interrupted :::::: end message :::: saving ICE logs :::::::::: done. closing connection ::::::::::::: done. Conglomerate. to much can kill you to little can kill others less is more than more more is less than less ever changing always dying loving every minute inner happiness. Whatever you feel is right for you. A better person that I make him out to be. one perspective the sum of your past self=solitary perfection, and the fear of it a treacherous journey barefooot, and begging bowl in hand each step precedes the last... each day new stones upon the path and yet, at times the light is so exquisite it flames the road, and immolates soul sorrow and calls the day to rest i took her back to the truck she was uncoth, spitin out the sunroof through her missing tooth. sometimes i thought of dying that was really deep...made me think experiences Self... it is a person who knows all about you! The olny one who knows the real emotions that are stored and tucked from within. It knows all your true lives values; ones you respect and others that you simply choose to waive. The self is the most important human being on earth.. respect it, and you'll be rewarded. Tucker MacDonald freind only by the peace of mind does self exist when you know what is good or evil and guided by your judgement when no one is looking kim mkymani@hotmail.com kim help me get away from my portail of that in which the mirror will image me what we make our worlds my choices gay straight bisexual omnisexual trisexual i cunt really know The participation of every percieved element in conspiring to create an agent of Nature intoxicated with what it believes is its own will i'm unhappy with myself. i really liked "d o e s m e m o r y o f t h e u n c o m f o r t a b l e r e l e a s e u s f r o m n o s t a l g i a ?" aspirations, dreams, wishes, goals; what you have thought for years; personality; your brain; garden tender; infinite possibilities; excitment to behold; whatever you want it to be Life is the most Hip Hop Sentiaon the the msot of all Mysis interesting me my......and i about been......... unknown, lost, hunted, loved... when it doesn't cry in the silence and darkness sometimes smiles, or shout. it's rare but laugh and sniggers, also. psycoapolide stuck in neutral. car running. keys locked inside. The unknown, the mysterious, that which gives the appearance of continuity but endlessly surprises. how we think Not good enough, I want to make people happy. Geth@thefragile.com Introspection leads to deprication. Deprication leads to me: Geth@thefragile.com Introspection leads to deprication. good idea? =individual with lots to give empty. is have empty. not half full kind... i hope... doubtful... modest... optimist... unique... funny... athiest... outspoken... hopeful... a I've lost my self. My self went away when I fell in love. I miss it. The enlightened peer into the mind of a maniac with a license An insane look into the substance of my being as I jump for joy at knowing but collapse from fear as I understand. strength tired. so much to do. so little time. Absolution. I'm sorry... the line that covers your eyes, the way a hand is placed on a shoulder to make sure one isn't left disheveled and undenied. purity in form, the knowleage of truth. no matter where you go there you are. am beauty, confidence temple i sound my barabaric yawp across the rooftops of the world Physical, Mental, Social, Emotional, Spiritually. Physically i believe we are nothing more than a soul shell deciding our own eternal damnation or bliss by everything we do or think. Scientists take us apart and try to find our workings, they search the ever reaching parts of the universe and they look for the best way to know everything. When all we and scientist type people have to do is look inside where the physical world cant see and look for our spirit. What is emotion? is it our true brain thoughts or our true soul feelings? We are part animal and part imortal under this curtain of a universe that was placed here to fool our eyes, but not our souls. We are puppets, our strings held by emotions hand, we learn from every fingers move. There is no ending to it, death is no end but a beggining, we cant draw a line at an end AND WHY, BECAUSE THERES ALWAYS A BEGINING, lines are imaginary because you can NOT touch taste feel or hear them and what you see of them is another persons imagination. Emotional 'Stasis' is the begining of loss of a human. We are under emotions thumb and that shows where a part of ourself is. Spiritually we have many different thoughts on things. I myself look into every religion i come across, seeing what makes sense and what is good. Christianity is belief that there is refuge after death, but if i look at others there seems different ups and downs in all. Do you look at other religions???? if you do then would you say that you truly believe in your own if you have to look for a better refuge or safety then your own? If the spirit flutters around different beliefs wont it be seen as wrong to whatever higher power you believe in. I think the spirit is attached through thought, love, empathy, and all that is good; anything else that is bad simply is something that is craved by our physical brain and body as an animal would crave it: sex, money, property, indulgence... greed. A few places where my thoughts have wondered about in the subject written here... is your soul really a memory of you in another persons head, and you shall live there in the sense of being eternally alive, then this person dies and they live in another persons memory until sadly we are all bound up into one last human existing as the last immortal safety for the human soul and we are abolished after that death... Where do we come from, do we have the power of god when we bear children, do we make new souls or is reincarnation real, how can i think like this with only synapses pulsing within, is the spirit true or is it a pure fear, fear of finding that we ARE alone after death, fear that we may not ever feel again, but would that be so bad, it wont be painful to not 'be' because we wont be here so why fear it? I have tallied too long in this subject. Socially we are ourselves. If you arent an individual then you arent anything, because a person whose someone else is nothing but a replica or clone. We only need one of each human, and identical twins are individuals so dont feel left out. In society we are what makes it whole, without us it wouldn't be the same. So self can be partly defined as the detached part of society that is removed and yet is in harmony with it. We don't have to be a part of society though if we leave it alone, we then make a place of our own and become our own place. The mental part that says we're different has it's importance. What we do and how we react. I believe its a tool of the spirit yet it has its own faults so it is imperfect when used. Thought is a crying out to be known and to be something. Someone, I believe, once said we are the sum of our thoughts, but we are much more. We are the past present future and experience of time(time to me is not real but i will use it in this as a representation of events in a tangable order). Yet there is something missing from my explanation. I believe that i am missing what what is not in us, the void. Many who are depressed focus only on this and analyze themselves just by this, we are what we observe in ourselves. We are what we see what we are because, we are everything if we just try to be it. I thank all who read this, Palidine QuickSilver Matthew P. palidine40@hotmail.com An illusion waiting for the mirror to be broken and the end to be revealed in some anti-climaxtic light. Life is a cirkle,you do get back what you put in. MIND HEART SOUL WHAT YOU FEEL, cant love anyone without loving yourself, cant hate without hating yourSELF, jennygirl42@hotmail.com write me. -jen What is the self but varying reflections of what we wish it to be? WHO EVER WROTE THIS HAS A STONG , CONTIMPLATIVE PERSONALITY. WONDER WHAT THIS PERSON WOULD BE LIKE OVER COFFEE. i've made myself known for all who are blind, deaf, soft spoken, and/or unable to use all senses. i am the one who fights using the anger of others. i am the one who sees like the blind, hears like the deaf, and speaks like the voiceless one. i am that unknown power. i am that imperfection which is perfection. i am REALITY. coldninja@yahoo.com the search for reality when you know that it cannot be found. bringing pain and burden to you and whoever is in your life. be it the janitor in your old high school who had faith in you to the bum on the street who makes you realize evrything in, on, and around you. find me and i will tell you waht reality is. coldninja@yahoo.com everything that have nothing in common with your outsides. where I am full of anxiety is the place where I will be full of peace child growing learning to love and be loved our choice to serve self or others stored up knowledge passion, love, pain, all that is both ugly and beautifull. me. No self like none???!!! virus send now ha ha i am not who i am sacrifice decay, god is something that we all want to understand, but which would only lead to more confusion The thing of which is the core essence of me and that which changes constantly god of fate travelling lost soul ? ....a small piece, an ism.... old soul with a beautiful and ugly song... I think of Dean Moriarty. I even think of old Dean Moriarty, the father we never found. I think of Dean Moriarty. yuck I feel for you man.......see a psychologists libido. :\\the opposite of other :\\love :\\life :\\death :\\everything, everything, everything... SCARED The unification of who you were. who you are. and who you will be... ID idorman@hotmail.com i am a god, i control myself, my emotions and my anger, i can make myself as rich or as poor as i want to be, i can impact others lives by simply saying a few good words, i can be what i want, i can dream what i want........ after all, aren't we all gods? A strength I can only hope to achieve. me? sometimes you don't know who you are until you're not you anymore Im a shy quiet person. the sum of memory and the impact of family me S� tu mismo... awareness of my vulnerability is scarry. I am so velnerable to anything in the world which really chooses to harm me. I cannot live behind a thousand locks, so I choose not to look too closely. the truth is, as vulnerable as we are to many things, we have given up on so much, so many ideals. I am a tiny spec of nothingness. morality seems like such a joke... Now that I know what human beings whom I have allways wanted to believe are essentially good, are truly capable of doing and being. Perhaps we are being punished as we speak, only we have learned to bear it... All I can do is pray to these fragmentary visions that they become whole, and remain with me, strong and impenitrable. I'm still trying to find out manifestation a bark in the dark and an enlightening gloom of tomorrow...(bull-dog@gmx.de) there is no "self" it is your habbit and it influence on you chapter 33 Knowing others is wisdom; knowing the self is enlightenment. Mastering others requiers force; mastering the self takes strength. He who knows he has enough is rich. Perseverancs is a sign of will power. He who stays where he is endures. To die but not perish is to be eternally present. you know me all ready i'm trapped in my dream that we all watch on the Tele SCReAM screeeeeeeeennnnn like the work sir or m'am may your dreams be attainable --Random_Precision 75394 its wierd how line has so much controll over us but we invented it hmmmmm lets deviate and pretend not to think about it it yeeehaaaaa everything is funny. chinaaw@hotmail.com im afraid i dont find it funny, but every1one else is laughing. perhaps i don't have a very good sense of humour. oh my god! this is it. Who is thinking? home and heart, soul and silence guilded cage of hope Cada vez que me miro en el maldito espejo, veo la carne, ya en la carniceria, muerta y con olor a sangre, que seduce a quienes pasan por la puerta del mercado y sue�an con asarme y violarme scraping up the doo doo pots with hard hittin' shittin' rocks eatin' a bowl full of Frosted Cuvva'd Brutha's Muthas goin' up in Goldilocks' golden cherry box takin' a bite from every chocolate in the bag findin' the one that tasted like it was basted with yo mutha's rag Dolly Madison's Dali Llamas got yo mama in a state of wooly masturbation manipulation of digitation around a roast beef situation fallin' out with Arby's down below tempo was on the down-low, but I got slowed up by the ho's butt blew a lit candle out her hole Tried to peep the open door exit range strange as it seemed, the ho screamed "Chicken Bone!" and I was like "wack!" but she came back with smackin lips and a battleship dropped outta her crack. My mack skillz got ill, when I seen Jim Beam flowin like wine from the space where my face happened to be in the first place. Took a bag full of Popeye's, popped a corn on her thigh, winged a breast over my shoulder, landed on her tittie holder...she put it on and left a grease spot on her chest. I must confess, I was blessed wit da quikness when I peaced out the back door where I ditched my Ford Piece Of Shit. Lit up my bald-ass tires, fire shot out the tailpipe I ran over a kid on a Huffy bike but I was like "fuck it" cause his Tele-Tubby was stuk in my grill. Pushed the training wheels off my windshield, drove through a field and terrorized people havin picnics. Some chick with pigtails was suckin some old guy's dick, when I drove by... she cried when I failed to signal a left-hand turn, cause his cock got burned by my muffler... but the funny shit is that it was stuffed down her pie hole, so her mouth was fused to his pole... wish I could be there when she tries to explain the whole incedent with bent up speech... words all blocked up...cause she's locked up on his jock like a leech. I sped through a bunch of pigeons just chillin, hit a guy wit a chef hat fillin up on Old Rot-Gut and grillin up barbequed cat nutz, his fat-ass butt left skids on my car's lid. Had to get rid of his size 40-waist Lee's that were flappin in the breeze, caught a whiff of cheeze like Fromunda, from the the crotch of those nasty-ass dungarees. Fuckin hit a tree, when I tried to seize a skeeza wit a peeza ass like it was the last batch of snatch on the Earth. Now I'm pinned to an elm with squirrels knawing on my girth, got a tribe of Smurfs settin up mobile mushroom shacks on the crack of my ass cause it's all fuckin smashed up. Little blue bastards down there firin up hash, sellin fat stashes and gettin mad cash. Money-makin Poppa Smurf, pimpin out Smurfette, got himself a 'Vette, while she bummin wit a broke-ass, three-wheeled Chevette. core is the best gift given Satan sharpener. . revolutionary. .evolutionary. .frailty can push forth advancment strength can topple accomplishments learn learn the all mighty struggle is the prize the all mighty struggle tends to hide sharpener revolutionary evolutionary frailty can push forth advancment strength can topple accomplishments learn learn the all mighty struggle is the prize the all mighty struggle tends to hide empty canvases... one a day for a lifetime... A series of chemical reactions which the brain mistakes for ego. everything Evil conquers all and the powerful hand of hate will open and reveal it's palm, containing insanity and hysteria, driving the masses into a mass frenzied orgy, the people being concerned with nothing more that themselves and their sick sexual pleasures. The end draws near for society, for we are a weakening race. A race of parasites, we divide and take up space and destroy all else that exists around us. Believe that we are just animals with too many brain cells, we outsmart ourselves and each other. Believe... i cant see the light. god is a relative term. like red, or self, or even e x i s t a n c e there is no... RIGHT or/and WRONG there is only self drowndinthedays@punkbiatch.com those times when it is dark and cold those times when i want to die those times when i can fell apathy punping threw my veins like a hot wire to 'god'. those times when i can almost define my abstract sence of lonelyness those times i am. -xero@lobotomy.org inner outer who am i autocratic perception universal language Like a stone I stand against time for all I am. Like the river I flow towards my goal around and through all obstacles. Like the stone I feel alone and vulnerable to the elements that have made me this hard. Like the river I need to engulf myself in someone else. wrap myself around them and caress... -G truth var ego=self[0]; self[0]="Physical body. Human being existing in the now. Must eat. Must have sex." var soul=self[1]; self[1]="Mind. Consciousness utilizing a physical body to interact with the physical world. Posseses individuality." var oversoul=self[2]; self[2]="'Higher' consciousness. One that is many. A collective of souls that learns from each. Transcends time/space." var god=self[infinity()]; self[infinity()]="All selves' origin. Creator of everything. Everything Itself. Grossly misunderstood by " + ego + ". Created time/space." (Divisions are IMPLIED only. No true divisions exist between selves.) -Silent Wolf. self is the existence within... you always exist in yourself.. you can never forget yourself... in that sense you always exist.. at least in some part.............. right? pitiful,depressed. the shifting center point in a whirlpool, the seemingly solid reference point, the personification of memory, the eye at the center of the universe, a spark. future Who am I? i am as a clothspeg hanging onto wash hung on the line. cheap wood, rusting metal, afraid of he day when i will not be able to bear my load and the damp fabrics will simply tumble to the ground leaving me twisted and useless on the wire. i'm the one who's gotta die when it's time 4 me to die-----so let me live my life-----the way i want 2 As this living seething breathing thing untwines itself, I see wisps of essence disappear into corners and dark places around me. I see my blood covers my brain with seering memories from the tar of my childhood as i stand, wrists for your taking......now, i am ready. familiar memory "self?... I'm still looking for myself" Steven, you make me complete premise >= reality I am not here...... personal history that should be deleted The essense of what others perceive, individualism. indistinct The ONLY interesting from outside you misspelled "elderly" comfort with identity love darkness falling strength i am. Kind of heavy for my head. Is mental indigestion a real thing? soy polvo, polvo sagrado en el universo. soul is forever the synonym of power and pain, of loving and living, the preservation of inner truth and beauty... self is LIFE love, the part that takes the most courage...a hard lesson for some of us everything nothing family + memory I AM A MAN AND THAT MAKES ME A PART OF THE HUMAN FAMILY. MY MIND IS IN CONSTANT EVOLUTION AS EVERY EXPERIENCE IS LOGGED IN MY MEMORY... MY EVOLUTION AND A SINGLE BEING WILL NOT BE MY OWN EVOLUTION AS IT SHALL BE PASSED TO ANOTHER GENERATION OF MANKIND...THUS EXCELLERATING THE EVOLUTION OF THE NEXT GENERATION. DF SCHULTZ KOKOPELLIE@HOTMAIL.COM 09/11/99 with age comes wisdome,and the power to look at whate has ben and see it for whate it trully is. if any thing at all. being that which we were born to acheive. a path in which we are each given differently. searching for one "true friend"... instead of trying to BE that one true friend. self... selfishness. no path desired to acheive tho we each, our own, yet instead we search to tap into anothers path. selfishness. (C.Marie- mysticpoet@hotmail.com) Never have I been so palpable as I was in that previous moment. life's everlasting roller coaster of good and bad the unknown dream an integral (?) yet insignificant (?) part of the universe. when i die, my atoms scatter to become something else. my soul ... one heaven, but maybe it's different than yours? is perception reality? proficy lost hollow who you talk to when you're scared allways being able to place a life looking and really seeing.... hate Never Applicable. I ride the winds of my spirit...finding those things that my eyes cannot see. less The true realization of the self is what seperates us from animals and those that behave like animals.. everything singular. stark. alone in a room of many. half an ego shed in the darkness surrounded by girls' names. what's the use. god strength controled thoughts yes.i am myself. i know. i am self assured. i am an artist.i am young. i am female. i am silly. i love to play in the mud.i am too young. i am too old. i am noticing that time is going by fast.i am alone somedays. i like to sit early and paint.i like food. i don't eat a lot. i am constantly punishing myself.i miss him. i am alone today.i would love to see him. i would love to be part of him. i am only me , and only part of myself right now. i know. silly me , just a tiny person yet , i do not know what am i and who am i remain to be questions i constantly seek. i strive to save my self sinking in the undescribable murk i call consciousness . . .shall i cut off my vein and be like them - selfish self absorbed materialistic and wordly? i cannot go against the grain of my existance. where time is increasing to infinity linearly: t0 = time - time of my birth; for lifetime = t0 to t0 + time of my death self(lifetime) = self(lifetime - 1) + consciousness + confabulation(memory(lifetime) + perception(time)) this way, the world i build is a part of myself. the mystery is consciousness. some people call it the soul and believe weird things about it. self and consciousness have been studied for a long time. there is rarely exact agreement about it. then again, reality is subjective. i can speak only for myself. i do not beleive that consciousness is knowable. hope im stil god Every negation is a new chance to construct. human self is who I am and what I want to become. self is who I am and what I want to become. not knowing what lies ahead not understanding everything mind never alone Not as much as you, not as known, not as many. Not as. Second choice. Plain and average Not as. Me. fat young old ugly sexy tired happy sad memories purely delightful do not nostalgia cause. nostalgia is the present pain colouring memeory only life, vitality of spirit releases us from nostalgia. concerning the last, i hope so and wish the best for both of us independence identity results of choices what you want to be? it does mean old. too many parts refuse to work. too many memories of first love. too many nights alone. i always look for a word to use in describing myself, but i dont think anyone can see me as i see me, nor can i see me as they do. but i dont try to explain myself.. i shouldnt have to.. i dont know how. fornethy ...mysterious. mindless,timeless,oneness.being,seeing,believing in self,in spirit,in you. The center of the world. jumble of experience fles backwards locus for depth perspective of camera camera in my eye me I am the son of my parents, derived from each, yet my own. My mind, my will and my emotions give rise to me, that which is known as self. your state of mind the only thing I can identify with. the only truths I can find, I find within it. WOW. my reflection. I AM RELATED TO INTOLERENCE, WHY AM I UNABLE TO CHOOSE never quiet satisfied... even though i'm told i'm good at what i do i still believe i will never reach my goal importance Creation only truth others foolish dreams foolish dreams yes yes yes I am a lucky person. I and I i am what I am i was. amazed in a maze maze tired but happy. Should go to bed now. good skin. strong. lovely. needs a hair cut. joints sometimes ache. lotto? Music. sunshine. I want sunshine and the beach but not the skin damage. Mostly, I want to be loved. Getting older wondering...should I have a baby. Do I really want a husband? Could it make me happy. High Functioning. Evolved a work in progress thoughts Memory is the warm bath water we lie in when we are too scared and cold to face the possiblility of getting out of this place. Memory is the anchor that holds us next to lovers we should have left long ago. Memory is that which forces us to remember that we cannot survive in the memories of the past. rikka_bos@hotmail.com single stand one circle joined gel drop bubble I am none a work in constant progress, the forward-motion of ideas in time generations of all my families carateristics all moulded into me and then my children will have all of them plus a little bit of me a shell of spirit and flesh that takes a lifetime to integrate memory Strength,Determination,Worth,Alone God's will strength passion i flourish trust loyality honour integrity hope ! hopes, dreams, realities, fears....a simple woman living one day at a time Makes or breaks its own life. What is left when everyone else leaves the room. Iconoclast. nem igen I think this exercise is enough, I think I will go back to something simpler, Christmas shopping for a while. Jim. Shame Why are we given this life? Or is it a theft. A thing stolen is not cherished. Gifts are like stolen things, the giver finds more value in them than the receiver. an ever changing however encapsulated being that can exist only in confronting it self with that what is outside. Anything to be, Dreams, Love, Life, Future, Past, Present, Lessons learned. There is no self. All matter is infused with one will; the self and the other are merely illusions. Everything I don't want to be, but in a constant half-assed struggle to improve. a four letter word. me Nothing more... Nothing less... Just nothing... To serve the world is to have lived in it. Living for pleasure leaves nothing but dust in a box. The joker, the healer, the saviour. This is the Pushnell. --pushnell@hotmail.com life experience different from any other living thing...unique and singular in meaning So much for German efficiency. Unknown person looking for good present and very good future by any way with any one TO GET IT READY TO DO ANY THING with any one at any time i am not a constant that can be equated to words on a piece of e-paper. my explination would take far longer. wow Stoicism, trying to become apathetic to forget the pain, for there is more pain than happiness. The welcome to be free of the pain, even at loss of happiness. How I long for eternity....... helth I am sleepy. almost like my family....almost somebody......almost nothing at all...... EGOOOOOOOOOO I am the creator of my own religion and the author of my own faith.I am the great I was,I am,and the great I will be.Humble you are born,and in humbleness you die.Just as every beggining has an end,every end has a beggining.For that is the way of the great circle of life.If history is NOT LEARNED,YOU ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Raven M.Darklord i feel i have done the world. thoughts of today do lead to tomorrows achievements. but is there a tomorrow? think about that. do you know me? i dont even know myself. everything within ones own soul. forever lost in someone elses thoughts a made up word, like every one in this sentence. The feelings that are you i am my own nothing, i neither help nor hurt me a shell of thought incased in a haze of self indulgence a tuned guitar smoked cheese. the only existance I'll ever know asshole What the hell is this place!?!? the inability to see the whole world as a whole that which remembers statue. now I nothing everything everything everything I remember a picture of me when I was little. I was sitting on a swing and I had ringlets. I thought I looked pretty. Emergence from darkness from the collective from the past standing on a precipice ... possibility free will the observer affecting the observed more than many can accept total responsibility no justice (thus Sartre's dilemma) that which is in the circle (ask Mr. Brown) yet part of the whole (no inside without outside) heads to the cosmos' tails I AM ME... I AM MY SELF ... THERE IZ NO1 ELSE IN THA WORLD LIKE ME... LET ME BE!!!!!!! PEACE!! WRIITEN BY: /DAMIOND/!!!!~!~!~~! Without me there is nothing. I am everything I know. I am. Without me there is nothing. I am everything I know. I am. Howard Roark WHAT I LOVE a place of thought louie louie shit inner respect Robert Kennedy J'aime les Hells Angel THE TAB, A KEY PEICE TO FLIP TO ... IGNORING THE SECRETS HELD ON OTHER PAGES... LAMINATED SO YOUR FINGER DOESNT SLIP, MAKING YOU WANT MORE THAN YOU CAN HAVE.. MAKING SWIFT ACCESS TO THAT WHICH YOU DESIRE, YET YOU NEVER SEE THE COMPLETE PITURE FOR THERE IS NO TABS -------Z-RO I think I am the best because I am, not because people tell me I am all the time.(Even though what they say is true- I am the prettiest, smartest,coolest, most popular person in the whole world and everyone loves me. God made me that way:o) WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!! selflessness becomes the goal towards a complete self. I am. life Dade. Bored. self pain must get to know !!! the embodiment of everything a person can be. one's thoughts and ideas satan=hole=abyss to cross You have found an endless journey to which there is no end stupid That which has become greater than the sum of the parts I AM GENIUNLY GOOD loathing searching pinnacle self one link light i Eh dias eh devol em tub i tnidid eveieb mih. I am me but I wish I was diffrent-can I change? The last rope. The final, dangling nevermore. Self is the myth spawned from the man. Self is to die. Selflessly. Feeling so tired. I could lay down and sleep for years. What would I miss? hallucination awareness lesser. but apparently content. bold, tan, solitary, wastefullness, sleepy Hello, my name is Daniel Horvath, and for all I know we could be related in some way, but I'm not entirely sure... If you ever want to e-mail me, my addy is: dominus_rex@hotmail.com ... I'm always excited to come across another Horvath, it's so very rare... me if i must answer, i guess whatever ce qu'on a en soi au d�part, et qu'on essaie de retrouver ou de conserver, malgr� le quotidien, tout au long de notre vie I think I need a bigger box We each are part of the others we've met Time not withstanding the dicisions we have made Each new moment requires a decision be made Wether it be good or bad, we must learn to live with the decisions we've made ..strong..soft..smart..sad..smiles..sensual.. strong, weak, loving, hateful what's make u different from others memory of the uncomfortable soon turns to nostalgia to underscore our endurance. And vulnerability is all we have to offer life. kjk that which survives despite the conspiracies of the other action that's the question Alone, strong yet vulnerable, remembering the days that used to be, yet looking forward, towards the future, to a time when no tears will fall. train express listen ignore wake lucid magnificent me worthless yesterday I saw the other side of the mountain forge a future and they say there is nothing good on the internet so much with so little the sum of your experiences and desires BULLDADA me entity, my soul your true nature without shields; the person you reveal when you're alone what you are composed of,physicaly,mentaly and spiritualy Nothingness a desire to remember who/what we are; but all we seem to know is who we are not. Expression of good. Truth. Ultimate value. The ruler of all things, the only one who can rule. ashamed of.frighten of...hope find something somwhere... self.. a polished cylindrical nail in the light of the downing sunset Crash course. Sexual drive. Undirected. Uninhibited. Positive. one This is the most beautiful piece of work that I have ever seen [x] []= body x= self x is what i know as 'real me', but i have no more words to this definition. knowledge a pound and a half of chicken-colored goo the only person you can trust...(sometimes) a conception of me - being me, still you may ask who I am. Maybe self is something that knows things better than I do The person that confuses me the most not self i want her i miss her home Nobody is better than. Can only be interpreted as others see you, as you react or refuse to react to what someone else does or says. everything our selves! man, we are the best thing walking . we are full of potential and possibilities . we can help and nurture and care we can teach and mentor and give. We are the best society has to offer. the depths of our caring is bottomless our soul of compassion timeless, the levels of giving boundless. Yes we are certainly something. Just look what we can do. have faith, get out and do don't hurt yourself or anyone else. Remember Robert Fulgham , hold hands and stick together the inbodyment in whichyou make a difference argh death ghdf foolish brave proud clumsy crying happy clever loved lonely optimistic mourning gentle grinning you and me sailboat Eager to move ahead, Anxious to be there, Desperate for more.....Many years pass........Now, I have reached my destination, I have slowed down, I take a little at a time. embodiment none vunerable. TO be totally selfless, one must know what and who they (self) are... Without this knowledge, one does not exist. alive from before my earth time. here on a journey. earned the right to be here. fought hard to arrive. want to be kind to others-let it happen- don't make hate. thank you to myself. a man can create his own arguments against self still / moving and still moving and moving inside YOU AND ME CARING AND SHARING all the colours of the raInBow WRaPED into a big piece of glass candy and melted in a rIVEr of compassion flowing to the sEa Of yOu and Me where the seagull swwooppss down and carries us to DiStAnT islands in neeD of humble souls so we can care AnD bE FRIENDS... thoughtful what you are, how you see your identity as being, no one can change that, only give you a direction and hope you follow it. a memory vector confidence, determination, self esteem, self control and love no others no self, self lives and demostrates when interacting with 'others' what other people have made me. i'm clueless... I sit quietly to listen to the center of my soul and it scares me to realize that nothing is really there. Freedom can be very frightening. I step back and step back till I reach my center and find the universe there. the soul succumbs. it drifts with the tides of love around and around and around. laughing. healing. free. no restraints holding. wandering and drifting within and without. i am the greatest self Alone............ Boring........... saddddddd ugly and boring and truthless and lifeless something eternal, something we all have in common but, blinded as we are by our physicall minds (meager devices), something which we cannot comprehend and percieve as God. unstructural information is a narcotic i am whatever you want an emptiness that cannot be filled by anyone - not even me. black hair white skin metal driven through flesh ink driven into skin words words words ... three people...me myself, and I, i'm never alone.. It`s good to live in the present lost, yet truly fighting to remain the one I can accept...the one I won't kill off. I must make myself happy. selfish fulfillment self that annoying twerp who is annoying and break the walls of his freinds apartments and then feels free to make himself feel like feces about it. why does my definition have any bearing on what yours is? Hey it's all relative here ya know for all I know you've never done anything wrong in your life forgive me for pontification you caught me at a bad time yaddah yaddah fuckin awright Geez. You can tell alot about someone's self by the room they live in if you asked me. a place where I'm at home and a power that is uninvinceable. Sometime I wonder how long before this concept will be wiped out from peoples experiences."Im sorry, Im not myself today" seem so apt for these times.People deny so much of their emotions, of their past and want so much to direct and predict their futures. People seem more into their 'identies'than their selves. (That reminds me I've got to go get my toungue pierced and my ass tattooed.) Sorry,for being such a pessimist, I not really feeling like myself today. the only thing that really is me alone... your version of the universe. I begin with the word I You must consider my memory, my past my notions of family yet i know you have come and gone. I know that you will remain exist and complete the process by existing within my memory self through memories of my father amisioux BRILLIANT reflections of myself not seen in mirrors but in my children... never enough time... always self critical relentlessly stuggling for a better image to hold up and see... I see life full of challenges...mostly with or within myself..developing into my self expectations mojo you You're already applying the treasures of your heritage. Take them, (inward and outward) and don't imagine that you are lacking something. Don't pull the bowstring too hard! Maybe the target is closer than you think... is what one wants others to see him as survivor, savior, solemate, wonder no self all I can feel The sound of the turbine in the night drawingwater from deep in the ground. i yam what i yam oblivion walking in the time-room[babaji@buddhist.com] tiny. unaware. amazed. self ? intangible yes, your vulnarability can make you so aware to the point of paranoia like attempts to see the smallest sub-atomic particles or the furthest reaches of the universe, we are too late to witness who we really are. self is Being;evaluation is relative or at best an attempt to put ourselves deep within someone else's shoes in order to objectify our otherwise bias response to the human condition. mult+jelen+jovo ISCH combination of memory/past + family + experience test I and I Broodiness. Dark sky cloudy with blue light. The root. Clarity. Compassion. Artist. things that you can not separate from Well certainly different! Probably cost me a fortune for all the pictures! I would have thrown in more words like hermaneuticszeitgist, ersatz to make it seem more prescient. I like Man Rays picture of the Maquis de Sade in Encarta. It's always a good idea to get inside your angst; feel guilty about your sexual desires. Quote Beckett and Brecht as often as possible. Question whether meaning is or isn't. Here in the Antipodes our philosophy comes from the realities of dust dryness and the constant changes of weather and outlook. Thanks I've enjoyed myself Andrew The individual as an object to his own reflective counciousness; a person as distinct individual; the ego of metaphysicians; the man viewed by his own cognition as the subject of all his mental phenomena, the agent in his own activities, thje subject of his own feelings, and the possessor of faculties and character. That which we make of our fabric